Currently I am on my way back from my step-sister’s wedding in Charleston, SC. I had a fantastic Time with all of me family who was able to make it, but the key was I got to spend time with my brothers.
Both of my brothers are 23 and 12 years older than me. They have been adults long before I came into my own. The last time I got to spend any length of time with them I was 18,hardly and adult by anyone’s standards. Now as a 24 year old woman, I can appreciate the time I have with them, and understand their relationship with our father better.
Now of course my relationship with my father is way more complicated than a blog post warrants, but to give you the cliff notes, after my parents split I resented a lot of the choices he made during and after their marriage. We were not on speaking terms for roughly two years, but when I got an internship at the college he used to be the dean of, I reached out. I thought that if I think that my Dad hasn’t changed in the last 15 years I am hardly giving him a chance because I certainly am not the same person I was 15 years ago.
I was jealous for a long time of my brothers because they had an easy going friendly relationship with my dad. I never understood until I fully felt like an adult. There is no more pressure no more expectation, just wanting the best for one another. My father went through a similar experience with his father under much harsher conditions, but I feel that if you can go through your tough times, find a level of forgiveness for each other then you can find the relationship that you are both comfortable with.
In the age of divorce I know many of my friends do have estranged relationships with their parents and I do encourage them to find a level of connection that feels right for you because at the end of the day, they are still your parents and they are the only one’s you got.